YOU GOTTA DO WHAT FEELS RIGHT

WHATEVER HAPPENS,IF YOU THINK YOU CAN DO IT THEN THERE IS NO STOPPING YOU..EVEN IF IT MEANS BREAKING ALL TIES AND BONDS IN ORDER TO DO IT....RULES NEVER MATTER..

EVER HAD THAT ONE COUSIN,WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE A ROLE MODEL?THE ONE WHICH EVERYONE IN YOUR FAMILY LIKES AND COMPARED TO YOU...SHE CAN COOK AND CLEAN AND SAME TIME MANAGE HER STUDIES EXCELLENTLY,OBEYS HER ELDERS AND HAVE THAT ANGELIC SMILE THAT YOU CANNOT ASSOCIATE WITH ANYTHING NAUGHTY OR EVIL?

WELL IN OUR FAMILY WE HAD ONE,WELL I HAVE NO EVIL BEARING TOWARDS HER OR HER FAMILY,SHE IS FAMILY AND I SUPPORT WHATEVER SHE THINKS IS RIGHT...ITS HER LIFE AND WHO ARE WE....I JUST WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE INDIAN MINDS THAT OPPOSES LOVE AND TREATS IT LIKE A EVIL THING...

SO IL RECAP WHAT HAPPENED...EVERYONE WAS IN THE LIVING ROOM AND I WAS PLAYING WITH MY CAT IN BEDROOM.. SUDDENLY MY MOM CALLED AND I WENT RELUCTANTLY TO HALL TO SEE WHAT WAS THE MATTER AND SHE SHOWED ME A PHOTO OF MY COUSIN MARRYING A GUY..SOME UNKNOWN GUY..

THERE WAS MASS CONFUSION AND SOME UNFATHOMABLE REACTIONS FROM MY PARENTS..I CANNOT IDENTIFY THEIR EMOTION,IT WAS DISGUST MAYBE OR SADNESS OR SOME SORT OF TRAUMA OR EVERYTHING WITH A MIX OF ANGER...

THEY WERE CALLING HERE AND THERE TO KNOW THE WHEREABOUTS OF THIS PERSON AND ALL I COULD TELL WAS THAT IN INDIA THE GROOMS SOCIAL STATUS MATTERS,HE SHOULD BE EDUCATED AND SHOULD HAVE A WHITE COLLARED JOB AND GREAT LIVING STATUS SUCH THAT IT MATCHES THAT OF THE BRIDE....

SEEING HER IN RED SAREE WHERE SHE WAS SMILING,I FELT HAPPY SHE HAD THE COURAGE TO FOLLOW HER DREAMS AND GO WITH IT...I ALSO THOUGHT WHAT IF SHE WAS SITTING IN A HALL FILLED WITH HAPPY PEOPLE AND MARRYING A GUY WHO HERR PARENTS MIGHT HAVE ARRANGED FOR HER...SHE WOULD HAVE NOT HAVE THAT GLOW IN HER FACE....

HER BROTHER WHO LOVED HER SO MUCH,CHANGED HIS PROFILE PICTURE IN HIS FACEBOOK TO RIP (NAME) AND BELOW THAT THE DATE 1995-2016..IT WAS SAD TO SEE,BUT I KNOW ONE DAY IT ALL WILL BE A HAPPY ENDING...ALL THE TIES THAT SHE BROKE WILL REJOIN...

SOMETIMES WE JUST GOTTA DO WHAT WE FEEL IS RIGHT,EVEN IF IT MEANS TO HAVE A WHOLE PACK OF RELATIVES UNHAPPY..I KNOW SHE WILL MISS US ALL BUT I AM HAPPY FOR HER,SHE HAS THE CHOICE OF CHOOSING HER OWN DESTINY AND THAT HER PARENTS CANNOT ALWAYS CHOOSE FOR..I BELIEVE EVERY INDIAN GIRL HAS THE CHOICE TO LIVE WITH HER LOVED ONE,DESPITE HIS STATUS,CASTE OR RELIGION...IT DOESN'T MATTER CAUSE LOVE WILL ALWAYS BE ABOVE EVERYTHING....

I HOPE FOR THE BEST,AND WISH HER A VERY HAPPY MARRIED LIFE...

I am good for a while..
I'll talk more,laugh more...
Sleep and eat normally...
But then something happens.....

Like a switch turns off somewhere...
And all I am left with is the darkness of mind..
But each time it seem like I sink..
Deeper and deeper..
And I am scared...
Terrified that one day I won't make it back up..
I feel like I am gasping for air..
Screaming for help..
But everyone just looks at me...
With confused faces..
Wondering what i am struggling over...
When they're all doing just fine..
And it makes me feel crazy...

What the hell is wrong with me?

Inside she's a wreck;
When you see her she looks perfectly fine..
Deep down she is a mess...
When she's with you she looks happy..When she is alone she's fragile..
This girl is full of dreams...

She wants to escape   her town...

Meet new people,travel...

Explore the world..

Go on fun road trips 

at midnight..

And perhaps one day

She'll be truly happy...

And when you ask her

"Are you okay?"

for once she'll say,

"I'm fine."

And it wouldn't

Be a lie....

I act like everything is fine..
I laugh at people's jokes..
I do silly things with my friends..
I act like I have a carefree life...
It's funny though..

When I come back home..
I just turn off that mental switch..
Then suddenly I break down..
I feel alone,empty and tired...
I can't exactly describe how I feel into words...
It's like I have 2 different me's..
One for the public.. 
And one for myself..
Only if they knew.

Only if...

It seems I know her too...ever heard Christina Perri's lonely....

I'm a ghost of a girl who I want to be most...
I'm the shell of a girl who I used to know well....

Its okay to miss her..I miss her too...

It's ironic how depressed people understand the value of happiness more than people who claim to be happy.......

If I had the chance to kill myself without hurting the people I love,I'd do it.

Without thinking.

In a heartbeat 

HELLO EVERYONE... SINCE I HAVE A POSITIVE SIDE AND NEGATIVE SIDE..I DECIDED TO MAKE ANOTHER BLOG...A RATHER PERSONAL ONE..IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE PERSONAL ME THEN CHECK THE BELOW LINK

http://maniacanddepressed.blogspot.com/