I THINK I HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER ITS BEEN DAYS THAT I AM FEELING EQUALLY ELATED BUT ALSO HIGHLY DEPRESSED THAT SOMETIME WHEN I WAKE UP,ITS MADDENING ME....

I HAVE EXPERIENCED MOOD SWINGS SO GREAT THAT I WAS SO NORMAL YESTERDAY AND WENT TO A TEARY MESS JUST AFTER A FEW UN-HARMFUL ARGUMENTS WITH MY SISTER..I REMEMBER CRYING,IT WAS NIGHT THE LIGHTS WERE OFF..AND WHEN I WAKE UP,IT WAS ALREADY 2 AM.. 




IT WAS MADDENING TO SEE MY WRISTS WERE CUT AND I CANT TELL HOW THE TIME FLEW...I DIDN'T GET MUCH SLEEP AFTER THAT..I DIDN'T WANT TO DISTURB MY FRIENDS BECAUSE TODAY IS A VERY HAPPY DAY SO WHY DISTURB THEM..I FEEL LIKE A BURDEN AT TIMES..YET A FEW DAYS BACK OR EVEN YESTERDAY I FELT I WAS INVINCIBLE..


I AM HAPPY BUT EQUALLY SAD,I GET ANGRY VERY FAST AND ELATED... I FIND MYSELF CRACKING JOKES AND IN NEXT MOMENT CRYING FROM THE INSIDE..BURSTING TO COME OUT... I KNOW I NEED HELP... I KNOW I WANT HELP...BUT MY PARENTS ARE INDIAN AND THEY WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO COME IN TERMS THAT THEIR DAUGHTER IS ILL THAT TOO MENTALLY......


I DON'T KNOW FOR WHAT REASON,TODAY I GOOGLED UP DEPRESSION AND SOMEHOW IT DOESN'T SUIT ME...THEN I SEE SOME TAGS OF BIPOLAR...SOMETHING SOMEHOW MADE ME BELIEVE IT.... MOST PEOPLE WHO PERSONALLY KNOW ME, DOES KNOW THAT I AM MANIAC AT TIMES AND COME UP WITH WEIRD IDEAS.... BUT THEY DON'T KNOW MY SAD SIDE....SOME DO..

I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IS WRONG... WHY DO I ATTEMPT SUICIDE,THIS HAS BEEN THE SECOND ONE IN THIS MONTH...MY WRIST HAS DARK PURPLE LINES ONE IT NOW..I BARELY CAN HIDE IT ANYMORE..YESTERDAY NIGHT I COULD'NT THINK OF ANYTHING BUT GETTING SOME ANTI-DEPRESSANTS FROM THE PHARMACY BELOW(THEY NEED PRESCRIPTION)...

MY ROOM IS MESS,I DON'T WANT TO CLEAN IT UP... I WANT TO BUT I DON'T FEEL LIKE CLEANING IT UP...I HAVEN'T BRUSHED FOR GOD KNOWS HOW MANY DAYS,,,MY BEAUTIFUL LONG HAIR NEVER TANGLES NOR DO I BRUSH IT...I HAVEN'T EATEN IN AGES...I FEEL NUMB...ITS HOPELESSNESS AROUND ME..I HAVE NO APPETITE,NO PAIN OR NO EMOTIONS...I FEEL INHUMANE,LIKE A ZOMBIE...


 I SIT HERE LOOKING BLANKLY AT THE SCREEN...I WATCH MOVIE BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS ABOUT... I GUESS I LIKE THE MANIAC SIDE(THE UP-SIDE) BUT WHAT DRAINS ME IS THIS DOWN SIDE THAT I CAN'T COPE WITH...